I have started each of the last 8229 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day.

Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness. Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 817 limited times in the last 22 years has never given my well-being a second thought.

Well, congratulations, you win. McDonald's 1, Deg 0. You have killed my will, spirit and soul; now my body will follow.

Luckily, I will be going to a better place. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of fry cooks in cheap suits.
Sincerely,
Deg
P.S. Tell the insurance company I was killed by 2 black men. They'll buy that with no further questions.

Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus. In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti.

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YOU HAVE BEEN CAUGHT BY THE GATOR OF DOOM! REPOST THIS 5 TIMES OR GET GATORED

I watch anime and I know you'll just dismiss me as a pedo because that's what people like you do. But I know what's fiction and what's reality and I know I've never connected the two. I watch anime, and maybe I get a boner when a "14" year old girl moans because the MC accidentally groped her breasts. So what? I'm not going around IRL getting boners over 14 year olds because not only don't they look like anime girls, I'm just not attracted like any regular person.

hey, sorry I saw your roblox profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing roblox haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really with misogyny and like you'll be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play roblox sometime its a really cool kids game with a lot of epic gamemodes like natural disaster survival, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your roblox profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on roblox we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx

hey, sorry I saw your roblox profile and I just thought you looked cute in your picture, I really wanted to tell you that)) It's really rare to see girls playing roblox haha! I don't know why its a guy thing honestly im like really with misogyny and like you'll be the one in the kitchen making sandwiches. We should really play roblox sometime its a really cool kids game with a lot of epic gamemodes like natural disaster survival, but don't worry ill be there to protect you ;) sorry that wasnt flirting I swear Im just trying to be friendly I really like your roblox profile picture sorry was that too far? Really sorry i'm really shy I don't go out much haha add me on roblox we should talk more you look really nice and fun xxx